On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
