Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
