I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
