His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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