Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
