he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
