Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
