Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
