And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
