apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
