The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
