He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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