I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
