Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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