Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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