guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
