The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
