you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize