When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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