saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
