I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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