if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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