You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know her cup size but not her name....
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