i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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