I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
