dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
