he thought i was a dude.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
