I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
