Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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