Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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