I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
