why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
