do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
