They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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