You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
