So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
