and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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