If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
