My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
smell my finger.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
