Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize