I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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