I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
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