how can u be prego again
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
