When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
