I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i now understand why vodka
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
