You can't motorboat a personality
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
