I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
