well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
