i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
