i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
