the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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