She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
