why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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