'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
