U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize