I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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