There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
