Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
