Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
