no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
