Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
