I'm so fucking centered right now
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize