Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How does it feel to date your dad?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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