Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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