I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
