I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
