Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
