If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
